Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
