Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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