last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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