Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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