Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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