Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
