dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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