I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
