i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
