Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
