im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
