i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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