i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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