the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
