go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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