I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
