My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
