Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
