Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
