Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
