well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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