fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
