a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
