Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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