It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
