I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
