You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
