does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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