I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
