Duck Duck Cougar?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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