The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
