Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
