Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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