We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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