My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
