So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
