good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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