trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
