i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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