you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
