She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
