I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
