before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
