you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
