I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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