We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
