I want you more than these girls want KFC
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
