Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
