Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
