ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
