dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
