i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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