Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
