you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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