is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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