If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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